My Operation: Reduce Stress, and how it's going

8.05.2021

My Operation: Reduce Stress, and how it's going

I am a pretty high stress, busy, ambitious person. I pack a lot into my time and I feel guilty, or like I’m just missing out on opportunities, when I relax. Some of this is just my nature and I will always want to be achieving new things, but my tendency is definitely to overdo it and get too busy so my progress/goals no longer feel positive. People ask me how I do it all--day job, blog and Instagram, podcast, parenting two kids--and the answer is I am just a ball of stress almost all the time.

Always Busy

A little over a month ago after finishing our home office renovation (lots of DIY projects on a short timeline), I just reached a tipping point. I have been working on the chair slipcover and touching up paint every night after the kids went to bed and every spare moment on the weekends for several weeks, not making enough time for my family or myself. On top of all the other stuff I usually have to do. I was so unhappy. I regretted taking on this project, which was a great thing for our house, but the way I did it was just miserable.

The lovely finished room that a lot of stress built

I decided I had to make a big change. It’s easy to do a 360 when something becomes too much, so I initially thought, just no more house projects! Ever! Although that’s not realistic. But I decided I really need to scale it way, way back and just focus on the essential things I need to do, and leave the remainder of the time for rest or buffer.

Doing Less and Being Excited About It

I know that stress comes from both having a long to do list and the way I feel about it. Let me say that again: I’m stressed not only because I have a lot of things to do, but also because of my attitude. So I need to shift both. 

It’s very hard for me, but I know that getting three blog posts a week up or staying 100% on top of the laundry are optional tasks, and nothing bad will happen if I don’t do them all the time. But, reframing everything as part of my larger, ongoing resolution to be less stressed has made it motivating! Like, I am a little bit excited to leave those things for later because then I will... win points? on my operation to be less stressed! I guess I am a driven person and I needed that points to be awarded somewhere. 

It feels really good, too! I’ve been trying to find time each weekend to lay in the hammock, even for only a few minutes. I’m definitely still working on that, but after having all of our weekends this spring busy with things like the office, I am really enjoying and trying to preserve our summer weekends for family time. We recently joined a gym and have been going swimming with the kids on the weekends, which really gets my day started as a weekend day, not just any other day at home. (The days can blend together when you work from home and watch the kids alone one or two days a week so this helps.)

Self Care (So Hard)

I’m also adding things back in, for myself. I recently hung out with a friend and her two little kids who are a little older than Otto. She has been a stay-at-home mom with them and joined a gym that has good childcare. She goes five days a week! She takes an hour class then showers and does whatever because the kids can stay in childcare for two hours. An hour long workout class and a shower? Every day? That sounded so luxurious to me!! Now, I can’t do that exactly because I work four days a week, but my afternoons and evenings with the kids are really tough and Jason doesn’t get home until they’re in bed. I thought maybe I could fit in some gym and childcare time after work! Jason got excited about joining a gym too. 

We joined a small one near us. They're still ramping up their childcare options but Jason and I have been taking turns going to the gym and just that hour or so of time to myself in the weight room feels so, so good.

I've had a few slip-ups the past week or so, which is part of why I wanted to write this post. I'm trying to remember that getting less done is a good thing (in my case). I'm trying to put less on my calendar every day--not fill every evening after work with blog emails and little house projects. Give myself time to shower and get in bed in time. It's hard.

Three Ways to Reduce Stress

I also recently listened to this podcast episode on ways to reduce stress. It's an enjoyable listen (start at 20 mins, 20 seconds in to skip to the stress part) and I really like Miranda's attitude and experience in this topic. (She's a fellow longtime DIY blogger, but she now does so much more than that.) The short of it is the three ways are: lower your expectations, learn to be present, practice gratitude. But I learned from her sharing her experience as another high-energy, high achieving person who used to think stress is an inevitable constant--and is now on the other side.

Well, I have a lot to learn, but I'm making a conscious choice to do less. I also know this isn't the first time I've had a goal like this. It's hard! But I hope to make a big change over the next few months that lasts a long time. 

READ POST

No comments

4 ways to feel extra gratitude for your home this spring (and some recent home photos)

4.23.2020

4 ways to feel extra gratitude for your home this spring (and some recent home photos)

Obviously the world is a little upside down right now and we don't know what the near future holds... it's easy to feel anxious stuck at home with things up in the air. But (with some effort), I've been feeling really grateful for our (fixer upper) home and am finding extra beauty and appreciation for it, particularly as spring comes.

4 ways to feel extra gratitude for your home this spring

1. Celebrate the changing seasons.

Whether it's still snowing outside or it's 80 degrees, you know it's not full-on winter anymore and this is the time to shift our mindsets toward summer. Spending more time outside on walks, sitting outside after dinner cause it's still light out, or (one of my favorites) bringing in blooms or even just cut branches from the yard. This is a fantastic free way to make your home feel updated.

Huge bonus if you have lilacs in your yard--they don't bloom for long, and you don't want to overdo it trimming them, but bring some inside and enjoy the wonderful smell that fills a whole room!

See kitchen sources here.

READ POST

No comments

Birthday resolution, plus what I'm buying for fall (for work and weekends!)

9.26.2019

Birthday resolution, plus what I'm buying for fall (for work and weekends!)

A couple weeks ago on my birthday, I shared on my Instagram stories I shared a goal for myself for this year... I need to take care of myself more, but not just by taking time to read, relax, all that--I need to buy myself the clothes and makeup I need in order to feel put together.

This form of self-care is an area I've really struggled with for a long time since I hate spending money. But I'm really trying to be more balanced about it and buy myself things I need!

With that in mind... I'm sharing a few items I'm really excited about and have bought or am seriously considering for my fall wardrobe!

Faves so far are that camo sweatshirt (wearing it as I type this--the perfect at-home comfy piece that still makes me feel current and cute), and these jeans are so, so flattering! I am 100% on Team High Waisted Jeans and have been needing some new ones that aren't skinny in the leg. (Love them--you should also size down in these!) It's hard to find cute jeans that don't have raw hems these days, so both of the pairs in this collage are a little more versatile than the raw ones.

I definitely struggle to find cute shoes for work as my requirements are tough: real leather, relatively flat but not frumpy, come in wide widths (I have wide feet), and affordable. These fit the bill!

READ POST

No comments

The ultimate relaxing afternoon! Oregon wine country

6.07.2017

The ultimate relaxing afternoon! Oregon wine country

Despite living in Oregon most of my life, I had never gone wine tasting until last year!! I'm not much of a drinker at all, so it never occurred to me as something I would enjoy. But we have now had two fabulous, extremely relaxing experiences and kicked off our summer with a much-needed break from house project at Van Duzer Vineyards last weekend!

I am a pretty high-stress person. I put too much on my calendar most days, and get anxious when things take longer than planned. Especially with our fixer upper projects in high gear right now. My poor husband supports me, but it's hard on him too that weekends can be pretty stressful. He recently noted that it might be nice if I was as driven and diligent about finding time to relax as I am about getting things done.

But now we've found wine tasting. The way we've done it, we go to one vineyard on a mildly warm afternoon, dress up a little, and sit outside drinking our samples overlooking a pretty view, listening to the music, talking about the future. We take the back roads through beautiful Oregon wine country on the way there. This past weekend we stopped in cute downtown McMinnville on our way home for dinner. Basically we took 6 whole hours off of stressing about the house!

READ POST

No comments

4 ways to lower stress in busy times

10.11.2016

4 ways to lower stress in busy times

TWO days till we close on our new home and we are purely excited!! We got a lot done this past weekend but have had some very busy weeks and have definitely put some focus on staying cool, calm, and collected.

When I changed the name of this blog to Create/Enjoy I knew I wanted to talk about more than sewing and decorating. I still love those things but I also really care about living an intentional, happy, healthy, grateful, low-stress lifestyle. (I do have several posts about stress and overcoming it.) In this exciting but crazy time of our lives, it's even more important to me to take steps to keep the stress down.

This post was sponsored by Rescue Remedy (the timing was perfect since we have a lot on our plates right now!).

I've found four key tools for staying sane while shuffling the home purchase, working, blogging, working out, cooking for our family, and more! These tips will be helpful even if you're not buying a house!

4 ways to lower stress in busy times

1. Keep the same routine. For me, this has meant I've continued my 3x/week at-home workouts and making time to cook. And going to bed on time. Keeping the physical stressors and surprises down makes it much easier to shoulder mental stressors. I feel so much better when I stick to my routine and move my body, eat real food, and have energy! It's worth the lost time that could be spent packing or working. Except in extreme examples, I prioritize sleep and other habits and it really helps.

2. Give yourself healthy treats. As Gretchen Rubin explains in Better than Before, treats energize us and improve mood and self control, but indulgent ones can have negative consequences. Healthy treats are treats that actually make us feel good in the long-term, not just in the moment. Healthy treats for me are baths when I have time, comforting tea (I love Calming and Kava Stress Relief from Yogi Tea), and reading one of the many magazines in the pile I'm usually behind on.

3. Make lists. And take list-making to the next level! As you can probably imagine we have a LOT to do in the next few days... the paper list on the counter was just not cutting it. We have tried to put EVERYTHING on a list and check or cross off as we go. We started a shared Google Sheets to-do list with tabs for "before moving," "ASAP [once in house]," and "later [house to-dos]." That way we can put all the things either of us could do in one place--and we can both track which utilities we've transfered over and when we've reserved the rental truck. (I know there are a million apps for to-do lists, like Wunderlist and Todoist, but I like to keep things simple even with technology!) And, it feels so good to cross something off!

4. Get (and appreciate) help. I am so grateful to husband when he's around to unload the dishwasher, carry things to my car, clean up a little... but I've had to remember to ask! Asking for help is so important--you really can't do everything yourself, and everyone needs a little help sometimes.

Other "helpers" include to-do lists, phone alarms (I set a timer while packing books the other day so I knew I would stop in time), and stress relief tools like massages or Rescue Remedy. You might think of a glass of wine every night as a helper in a stressful situation... but that may have some negative side effects that will hurt you in the long run! There are more gentle chemical methods like spritzing some Rescue Remedy spray when you drop a heavy box on your toe or are late running out the door!

Rescue Remedy sent me some products to try including the stress relief spray. I've tried the drops before--they have a much stronger flavor than the spray so it's a lot easier and less medicinal-feeling to use. The pastilles are also great because they last longer than one spritz, so I can remember I'm trying to be calm the whole time they're in my mouth. ;)

My mom is a big fan of Rescue Remedy and used to offer it to me when I got hurt or upset. I sort of forgot about it now that I'm on my own, but I have my own stressful situations now and sometimes feel anxious and a tightness in my chest. I usually do pretty well with practicing relaxing breathing and slooooowing down, but I'm glad to also have the stress relief spray and pastilles for particularly challenging times!

Rescue Remedy actually has a line for pets and kids as well so you can find just the right product for whoever's under stress. You can buy it at a number of drug stores and natural grocery stores--try typing your zip code into this store locator if you're not sure what's nearest to you.

There you have it! Four things that are keeping me calm and happy as we make this huge, messy, physically and mentally challenging change! Here's to staying positive and saying "no" to the stress!

What are your favorite stress relief methods?

You can shop the products in the post here or use the store locator for stores carrying the Rescue Remedy line!

READ POST

No comments

Habit strategies for happiness, lower stress, and health

5.04.2016

Habit strategies for happiness, lower stress, and health

About a year ago I read a book that's changed my life. Well, actually, that's happened a few times. But one of the most important ones for me was Better Than Before, the newest book by Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project (another book that changed my life). Gretchen realized that happiness is so influenced by what we do every day - our habits. How we form good habits is a huge area of research and there are tips out there everywhere, but what really spoke to me about Better Than Before's theory is that different people respond differently to strategies for habit formation, and before you decide to change your habits, you have to know yourself.

She groups people into four categories (the Four Tendencies - you can take the quiz here), which are briefly summarized below in Gretchen's words. I love this stuff and have also summarized it for my mom, my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law, and some friends already!

1. Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations 
2. Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense–essentially, they make all expectations into inner expectations 
3. Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves 
4. Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike

Depending on which Tendency you are (I'm a Questioner), some habit strategies may work better or worse for you. This really makes sense for me, since I've been trying to do the "right" thing for years and sometimes the advice I read about making good choices just makes me stressed and overwhelmed! I love recognizing that sometimes tips you hear for making and keeping good habits may not apply to you or help you much at all, and it's not your fault. (From the book--the Strategy of Monitoring, for example, does not always work well for me because I tend to resent apps and journals that tell me how much I slept or ate. But for some people, Monitoring is key to successful, happy habit change!)

Following the identification of the Four Tendencies and a handful of Distinctions (such as, are you a night owl or a lark?), Gretchen identifies and pairs down so many key "Strategies" for habit formation. I like a lot of them! Defining things like "First Steps," "Treats," "Abstaining," and "Accountability" as Strategies helps me think about how I use them in my life and how I could optimize my routines to build habits I want to have.

Here are three of the Strategies that work best for me in keeping habits that I aspire to!

My favorite habit strategies!

3) Convenience.

I think the Strategy of Convenience is pretty much human nature, but it's nice to formalize it and recognize when you can do it intentionally as well. Obviously if something is right next to you at your desk, bedside table, kitchen counter, whatever, it's easier to make a choice to use it. This one is so helpful for things like money and food choices. (Sometimes at the same time--example: packing a lunch so you're not tempted to go out to eat all the time!)

For me this one blends with routine and planning ahead. I know I do very well with routines, but I've worked to set myself up for success with daily food choices as long as I've lived on my own. I don't like to spend money eating out except for special treats (and I have a limited diet and like to know what I'm eating), so I almost always pack my lunch the night before. Then it's convenient to make the responsible choice of eating home-cooked food.

Similarly, I set up my breakfasts the night or Sunday before (check out my easy Paleo crustless quiche recipe here and my egg muffin cups here) so I always have a nutritious, filling breakfast and am not tempted to get fast food or grab whatever snack-ey food I can find in the kitchen as I run out the door. (Setting up coffee/add-ins the night before is also great for avoiding spending too much on coffees out.)

Convenience can also help with making home-cooked dinners easier. It's very convenient to heat up left-overs or come home to a finished slow cooker main course!

Another great example is keeping your gym clothes in the car so it's easy to go after work (although this isn't one I use anymore--see my favorite strategy below!).

There's also the strategy of Inconvenience - like keeping treats in a box within a box within a box in the basement if you're afraid you'll over do it, for example!

2) Pairing.

Pairing is one of the most practical Strategies to me. One of my favorite pairing habits is listening to specific podcasts for specific tasks. I listen to Pop Culture Happy Hour while sewing or crafting on the weekends; Happier while working out (unless I'm caught up with all of them; then I listen to various health/fitness podcasts that I don't listen to all the episodes of); The Birth Hour or Real Food Mamas while driving to work (I guess I feel particularly maternal then??); and Balanced Bites and other Paleo lifestyle podcasts while cooking. Saving these podcasts for specific tasks makes me look forward to the tasks and the podcasts!

I also use Pairing for simple habits like a reminder. Putting my supplements next to my toothbrush in the drawer, for example, so I always see them. I think Pairing is particularly helpful for adding a new habit--I didn't always take supplements, but I always brush my teeth every night so it doesn't feel as much like adding a task to the list or adding something to remember.



And the #1, favorite, most effective Strategy I've used is...

1) Scheduling. 

I've been using this strategy for years and years without knowing it. I remember in high school and college, when I used a paper planner, opening it up in class when I was bored and looking ahead at my day and week. I called it "playing with my planner" and it gave me a good feeling of control and lower stress when I knew I had a lot to do. Or when I was looking forward to something fun on the weekend!

Now, I use my digital calendar pretty much the same way and not only does it make me feel better, and also really helps me get all the things done that I need to do. I put things on my calendar at times when I may realistically be able to do them!

It works much better for me than it to-do list would because with a to-do list, there's pressure to do all of the things on the list and sometimes you just can't. Sometimes you can't do any of them, and a long to-do list can be totally overwhelming. Whereas with my system, I may only have one or two tasks on the calendar after work on a specific day because I know I'll only be able to get that one thing done. (But I actually get them done rather than staring guiltily at a to-do list.) And it's not inflexible; I can easily drag items around on the calendar when new things come up.

One huge success for me with formalizing my schedule is my regular workout schedule. I had years of back-and-forth being really regular with my exercise, like group classes or unfortunate pointless cardio at the gym, but I would do something for six months and then stop and not do anything for a while.

But in April 2014, I got tired of hearing inspirational stories about people who change their lives with CrossFit or heavy strength training and I decided that I could do it, too. I started training 3 to 4 days a week at a little rec center gym near my house on the way home from work. I put it on my calendar every day I was going to do it and then I did it (or rescheduled on days with conflicts).

In December of that year we bought ourselves a home gym setup so I now can work out in my living room (see above for part of the mobility station!) and/or garage, which makes working out even easier (and means I can start dinner before!), but I still put "work out "on my calendar about three days a week. Honestly, that means for the past 2+ years I have been working out about 3 days a week almost every single week, with only a few exceptions! That's incredible consistency and demonstration of motivation that I never would've thought I would be able to have. Scheduling makes it so easy.

What I do doesn't really matter, really, just the fact that I do it regularly makes me happy and stronger. I usually do M/W/F, but when I have a conflict like an appointment or work happy hour and I know I won't want to start my workout 1+ hours late and have dinner and everything else be later, too, I move my workout to another day. Recently I've been adding YouTube yoga classes into my routine so sometimes my workout is an at-home CrossFit style WOD (I often use/modify Juli Bauer's), sometimes it's barbell training, sometimes it's vinyasa yoga (I love this instructor).

That's just one example - but I know I'm the kind of person who works well with Scheduling!

What about you?

Obviously I'm pretty passionate about the habit strategies, and learning about myself as a Questioner. As I said I've explained the Four Tendencies framework to several others and I love hearing them work through what they think they might be. (And/or take the quiz!) I also highly recommend listening to Gretchen Rubin's podcast Happier, where she and her co-host and occasional guests (including Drew Barrymore and Rosanne Cash) talk about the Tendencies, Strategies, and happiness stumbling blocks.

And to get the full picture, pick up a copy Better Than Before (hardback or paperback) or others of one of Gretchen's books here!

READ POST

No comments

Reader question: Doing it all

1.30.2015

Reader question: Doing it all

How do you do it all?

Recently, I got the sweetest email from a blog reader. Not only does Kristin sound like a fun person, she is so kind to look through and appreciate my various blog posts, home tour, and more.

Hi Suzannah! 
My name is Kristin, and I adore your blog. I am 26 and live in Austin, Texas, with my husband. I sew a little, crochet some more, but also eat Paleo and enjoy your food, DIY, and home decor posts very much. 

I wanted to write and request a blog post.... How on earth do you get everything done?! Are you ever tired or feel overworked? You have a beautiful blog, with tons of gorgeous photos of a neat, chic home, and everything seems tasteful and orderly, and you're working on a book, in addition to what seems like a full-time job? You are an inspiration! I just don't know how you do it all! I would love to read about how you schedule your projects, what your recommendations are for getting All The Things Done and so beautifully! 

 Thank you very much for your incredible blog!

I was so touched by Kristin's email. Hard to know where to start answering her question, actually. As I told her in my quick reply, yes, I do work hard on having a blog, job, house, life, etc. but I don't always feel like I succeed--so compliments like hers are all the more meaningful.

However, I don't necessarily recommend anyone "try it at home," because there is a cost to trying to do it all and I often wish I were doing less. I also told her, I appreciate her request, but I'm more likely to write a post about balancing life goals than about how to fit everything in!

Well, I guess, here's how

I did answer her question, though. Not because I think anyone else should do everything I do! But, the honest answer to the direct questions, I think. Well, Kristin...

• Yes, I am often tired and feel overworked!! But, I find I feel that way most when I spend time on things I'm not passionate about or resent. I usually feel pretty good when I do the things I love.
• I've been blogging for more than 5 years now--it's gotten much easier. That really helps with the regularity. I don't really schedule my projects out, I just share what I've made recently, although I do keep an editorial Google calendar so I remember when I'm posting what.
• My book is almost to the printing stage now, and I wrote most of it more than a year ago. During most of the writing process I worked a less stressful job and had more energy at home!
• I've been battling my to-do list for years, so now I generally just ignore it and do what I feel like doing most of the time. Sometimes I put things off a long time, although I have always felt comforted by structure so I usually do well sticking to my blog post routine as well as my pretty standard weekday evening routine.
• I find that I can really only do ONE extra thing after work each weekday, especially on days when I work out. It takes me 1-2 hours to do the cooking and lunch-packing for the next day so afterwards I don't always feel like sitting down again to do tons of emails, etc. But, one extra thing is usually manageable. That might be a blogging thing, or it might be simply watching a few old 30 Rock episodes and foam roller time. That would be a successful evening for me! (Several nights/week my husband is at class or work so I'm home alone.)  My daily schedule? On weekdays, usually something like:
• 6:00 AM: up
• 7:00 AM - 4:30 PM: on the clock at work, eat meals at my desk while working (sit/stand work station)
• 5:15ish PM: either work out in our garage gym and/or chop veggies, start dinner, etc.
• 6:00ish PM: either shower and/or keep cooking
• 6:30 or 7:00 PM: usually can have food ready by this point (sometimes husband is home, sometimes not)
• 8:00ish PM: clean up from dinner, face the emails or watch Netflix and drink tea
• 9:30 PM: goal for reading in bed, then sleep

I'd love to be able to say I do the bare minimum each day, because I believe life balance and keeping stress levels down are so important. I still sometimes get affected by the to-dos I keep moving forward on my calendar, but I've also learned to take deep breaths through the stress and forgive myself because I know I'm doing the best that I can. I've always been the kind of person likely to get over-committed (I think I learned it from my mom, who's always been on 4 or 5 committees at a time, I swear...), so my goals for the future are prioritizing and learning to step back from less important responsibilities.

The real answer!

So, what I really feel is, I just can't offer recommendations on how to pack your schedule and free time and make your life busy but seeming productive.

So really, rather than explaining how I do everything I do, I'd rather say:

1. I don't do it all, and 
2. I no longer believe that "doing it all" is a healthy goal.

First, I don't do it all! I miss all kinds of things. I leave emails in my inbox for several days before reading them, sometimes. I meant to post this post yesterday. The other night I was up till bedtime cooking. Stuff happens.

Second, I think it's all about goals. A while back I read this article about "success," by Zosia Mamet in my Glamour. It was a pretty short, not too in-depth article, but it brought up a great point through this Merriam-Webster definition of "success": "the correct or desired result of an attempt." So, what do I want to be attempting to do? I've realized recently that my goals are for a happy, low-stress life that lets me grow in the activities I find fun or interesting. Blogging, working, working out, cooking, occasionally decorating, very occasionally shopping or making new clothes, petting the cat, traveling, and more (not in any particular order!)--those are the things I want to fit in to a happy, relaxed life. Not necessarily developing new recipes every day or Instagramming everything I do. I don't think I would be happier if I could "do it all"!

This is what I want my time to look like

A while back my friend Aubrie took these photos of me relaxing at home with the cat. These capture my favorite thing to do on weekend mornings, and sometimes afternoons!--we keep weekends pretty unscheduled. I love to read and drink my coffee slowly, and the cat usually joins in. Hence the cat hair all over my pants--impossible to avoid.

Image Source: Stocksy

Photos by Aubrie LeGault, Capturing Grace Photography and Aubrie LeGault Photography

I look forward to my weekends for recharging!

Recommended Reading

I love thinking about this stuff--finding happiness in daily life and lowering stress, questioning the things we do that do and don't work. I've blogged about it before, and read a few books (so far). Here are some you should check out if you're interested!

• For more on why being "busy" is no longer a goal of mine... check out my review of Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time. 
• The book that started it all (well not, exactly) for me and many others... The Happiness Project and Happier at Home left me with some strong happiness goals and messages.

Thanks again to Kristin for the kind words and thought-provoking question!

READ POST

14 comments

On relaxing at home before everything is done

10.27.2014

On relaxing at home before everything is done

I'm savoring the chill weekends we've had here and there in between summer and the holidays. This past weekend we got to spend some good chunks of time just being in our house. Cleaning, re-arranging, switching my out-of-season clothes, but still felt pretty relaxing to be at home, during the day, doing what we want for several hours at a time.

Also over the weekend, I bought some new fabric and did some planning for the next few weekends - now till Thanksgiving, and even into December. I got excited about the things I want to do and make! But I also got overwhelmed. When am I going to have time to sew those new skirts, or experiment with that recipe idea, or whatever it is? (And when the heck am I going to have time to do the photographs in the daylight!?)

Of course there's always more to do, and usually it's not the fun stuff. There will always be phone calls to make, stuff to put away, something that needs to be cleaned, etc. etc. - and then it's probably time to make dinner again. But I realized two things over this nice, quiet weekend:

1. I'm grateful to have things I'm excited to do. It makes me happy to have new projects on my mind, and to have fun things on my to-do list as well as the daily boring stuff. If I don't feel grateful, then the fun stuff will start feeling like work, too.
2. Because there will always be more work to do... I need to give myself permission to do what feels good in the moment sometimes, rather than feel guilty for letting go and like a slave to my to-do list.

That second point was the impetus for this blog post.

Doing nothing when there's still stuff to do

I don't usually feel good when I have lots on my mind, projects to do, emails to send, all that--but because it's impossible to fix the problem by doing ALL the things, I need to learn to feel good even when the laundry is still sitting unfolded on the dresser. 

A couple weeks back I posted about the recent book Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time. I wrote a long post about it, but for now I'll just point to one part... toward the end of the book, after talking to/about busy working people who shuffle kids and home and work responsibilities and feel overwhelmed by it all, the author talked about how people who make time for play and vacation despite the busyness are happier. Often we feel like we don't deserve time off, or we can't take time for something non-essential when there's more to be done.

So, I could have gotten a lot more done this weekend, I guess. I know I could get more done on the weeknights when I get home from work and most of my evening is spent making dinner, eating dinner, watching a show, petting the cat, trying to get in bed early to read. But without those instances of (relative) downtime, when would I recharge?

So I'm thinking now about seizing the moments of unscheduled time I find here and there and using them for sitting around if I need to. 

Once not long ago when I got home from work, particularly tired out, I lay down on the bed and listened to the rain outside. I pet the cat and picked up a favorite book from my nightstand. It was a strange feeling, but so nice!

So when my photographer friend Aubrie came over to take photos of the house recently, I was happy to try to recreate those moments of peace.

Image Source: Stocksy

Photos by Aubrie LeGault.

Portrait Business: Capturing Grace Photography / Capturing Grace Facebook Page

Food & Editorial Business: Aubrie LeGault Photography

Twitter: @aubrielegault

Instagram: @aubrielegault

Somewhat ironically, that favorite book I grabbed was The Happiness Project, another important one that's taught me to slow down. I highly recommend it and Overwhelmed if you, too, have a hard time enjoying simple things and slowing down!

READ POST

9 comments

Overwhelmed: Inspired thoughts about work, love, and play in a busy life

10.16.2014

Overwhelmed: Inspired thoughts about work, love, and play in a busy life

I don't remember where I first heard about this book, but I put it on my library holds list as soon as I did. So of course when it was finally my turn to check it out, I wasn't as excited about it as I was originally, but it was an audio book and I've been tired of the radio a lot lately, so I started listening (ironically, you'll see why) on my drives to work.

I immediately got excited about it again.

The book is Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time. If you're anything like me (woman in 2014 with a job, smartphone, family, hobbies, and no support staff!), you may be sympathetic to the title. While I'm much better than I used to be, I often feel like there just isn't enough time to do everything I want to do, and that I have to make "progress" on my to-do list before I can relax, have fun, and enjoy my life in the moment.

Throughout the book, which covers a lot of ground, multiple sections spoke to me, and I felt inspired by the research the author examined and motivated not to fall prey to the common dilemmas she presented. She covers a lot of topics that affect my everyday life - being surrounded by technology, feeling physical impacts of a busy life, feeling internal or external pressure to be the "ideal worker" at work, struggling with the division of labor in modern households, and (while it's not an issue for us yet, it may be in the future) dealing with the pressure and desire to be the "ideal mother" while working outside the home. It came out earlier this year, so it feels very current and relevant.

As I listened, I thought about my mother, who taught me to be productive and create things rather than only passively consume. I thought about my close friend, whose husband is resistant to help at all around the house even though they both work. I thought about another friend, who somehow juggles a full-time job, toddler with behavioral problems, small business on the side, and doing all the food prep and cooking for her family. I thought about my future self, and wondered if my husband and I will be able to create a supportive, low-stress household for ourselves and our family as we grow in number and responsibilities.

And I learned from the families and researchers the author speaks to for the book. I've seriously been thinking about this book a lot since/while reading it (it's come up naturally in conversation several times!), and I'd love to tell you some of the pieces that stuck out for me.

(You can hear the author interviewed on Fresh Air here or read about the book here.)

Suzannah's Cliff's Notes: Highlights

The "Time Confetti" Section

The book starts as as an examination of time. The author visits a time researcher who's found over many years of research that women today have an average of 30 hours of "leisure time" per week. This is apparently more time than they had in the 1960's even though more women work outside the home, but still less than men. The author keeps a time journal to track her time, and the time researcher highlights every task/time he considers "leisure." Unfortunately, he includes all kinds of tasks "leisure" that probably did not feel leisurely at the time - reading the paper to research a story for work; waiting in the car for the tow truck; doing a yoga DVD silently in the bedroom at 6:00 AM before the spouse wakes up. And what about all the times we're doing more than one thing at once? This measurement of "leisure" does not seem very helpful for the everyday woman.

A leisure scholar the author speaks to sees "leisure" more narrowly. He makes time every day for a walk with his wife, enjoying music, or attending an evening singing group. When the author tells him she feels too busy to make time for leisure tasks she enjoys, he says sympathetically, busyness is one of the seven deadly sins.

"In the Middle Ages, the sin of sloth had two forms. One was paralysis, the inability to do anything--what we would see as lazy. But the other was something called acedia--running about frantically. The sense that, 'There's no real place I'm going, but by God, I'm making great time getting there.'"

Isn't that interesting? I do know the feeling of running around frantically, being busy to no huge, definitive end.

The author finds that being in an almost-constant state of busyness is not unique to the upper-middle class, or to full-time workers. And, it's not something many people feel they can put an end to by choice. Some may not even want to. Another researcher she spoke to has saved Christmas letters dating back to the 1960's, examining them for common language. She noticed terms like "time-starved," "strapped for time," "hectic," "whirlwind," "constantly on the go," and of course, "busy" were used commonly and almost as a brag. Cards with "We've had an action-packed year!" or details of a trip where the mother boasted driving a hundred miles a day, or a sarcastic letter that joked about accepting a Nobel Prize, building start-ups into Fortune 500 companies, sailing around the world, etc.

The researcher realized people were actually competing about being busy, as if to show status. Like, if you're busy, you're important, leading a full and worthy life. (Of course, they don't mention the downsides of busyness, like the laundry piling up or the frequent take-out instead of healthier homecooked meals, but they still demonstrate status symbols rather than just yearly updates.) I thought that was a big revelation, too.

Oh, and this constant busyness? It's apparently measurably not good for us. Not only is sleep deprivation and constant movement throughout the day shuffling from one activity to the next unpleasant, it's also moved from a moderate, healthy level of stress to what scientists call "allostatic overload." Behavioral medicine researchers have found that high levels of stress weaken the immune system, of course making us more susceptible to inflammation, cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, arthritis, osteoporosis, obesity, Alzheimer's disease, cancer, and more. Depression and anxiety, too, which women are twice as prone too as men (men's brains produce 52% more serotonin than women's). A psychiatrist the author spoke with at the Yale Stress Center has research that prolonged stress can actually lead to the shrinking of our grey matter, specifically in four distinct areas of the brain that control decision-making, attention, emotions, moods, appetites, impulsiveness, and sleep. Volunteers with the most stressful experiences had, on average, 20% less gray matter brain volume than did subjects who had less stressful lives. Crazy.

The "Work" and "Love" Sections

The next part of the book is about the pressures we feel to work better and longer, despite responsibilities we have at home. Of course a lot of these pressures and challenges come from having children at home; the author talks about gender discrimination and parent discrimination found in workplaces in many fields. She talks to several complainants of the Equal Opportunity Employment Commission, some very scary stories about people not being offered promotions or raises, or being fired for unclear reasons after taking parental leave.

She also talks about the challenge of finding quality childcare for an affordable price. Some more scary stories there, of course hopefully the minority, and she does talk about some bright spots of couples that have found a balance or alternating work schedules. Some employers who provide childcare or loose hours, making it easier to have kids at home, etc. She does a good job of sharing both good and bad stories.

This section leads into "The Cult of Intensive Motherhood" a lot has changed since women started working more outside the home, and some things haven't changed as much - i.e. studies show we still spend far more time on household tasks than men, even if both have full-time jobs. She talks about the pressures we now have to throw extravagant birthday parties and get our kids into good schools and colleges, as well as the guilt we may feel for not being the "ideal mother" spending lots of time at home with the kids. She puts in some personal experience in this section, too. I find it all very interesting, but since I don't have kids yet, I'm not sure how I'll feel when I'm faced with some of these choices.

The Play Section

Remember how she found in the first part of the book that many people don't value or spend leisure time? This section of the book, about "play," was a happy opposite of that. She starts the section by visiting Denmark, because a prominent sociologist who does time studies found that Danish mothers have more leisure time than mothers in any other country she studied: 6 hours, 12 minutes per day--as much as an hour more per day than mothers in the US, Australia, and France. Denmark also has one of the highest maternal employment rates in the world (more than 80% of mothers with children under 15 in the workforce).

What the author finds in her visit to Denmark is huge cultural differences and values compared to what we have in the US, reflected in government policies (6 weeks paid vacation per year, plus 12 public holidays, childcare days and sick leave) and in the opinions of families she visits. The first family she stays with has two parents that both work until 4:24 PM every day (a 37 hour work week), and trade off child care so the mom can go to the gym after picking up the kids. They have a simple, small apartment with not too much clutter in it, and they leave all their work tasks at the office. Evidently Danish employers see people who put in long hours and constantly check email at home as inefficient, rather than as ideal worker warriors. One mother she spoke to was surprised that some Americans are afraid to leave their children at daycare during the day--the way she saw it, how will your child be challenged if he's home with you all day instead of in a child-friendly learning environment?

Obviously there are some negative impacts of the Danish cultural viewpoints, too... the author mentions "occupational sex segregation," because originally the generous family leave policies (52 paid weeks at 80-100% of one's usual salary) were for women only; this led to women tending to work the lower-paying, less-pressure government jobs while men climbed the ladders in more prestigious private jobs. There are some other weird social effects, too. But, looking at the Danish norm does present a really interesting and different perspective of goals of everyday life.

Back in the US, the author also speaks to some groups like one in NYC of moms who get together regularly for playtime. Trapeze class, wine tasting, painting their toenails a crazy color - these are things many of us would put off until we've accomplished more of the daily to-dos. But it's inspiring to hear about people leaving the work alone to enjoy time and feel refreshed for the responsibilities.

Highlights Over.

As you can see, I've had a lot of thoughts while reading this book! I can't summarize it all. And the paper copy (I checked it out too and am flipping through it as I write this) is due back at the library. I'm sure I'll think of more, but this post is long enough!

A few complaints

Also, most of the book was about defining the problems for many modern people, and delving into specific cultural and practical problems for women, mothers, wealthy people, working class people, and men. The "how to" part mentioned in the title was actually a small portion of the book, fit into the last section, with ideas for how to make one manageable change to improve the work, love, and play portions of your life.

(Actually, I could tell from the second chapter or so that it might be that kind of book, where you don't actually get to the solution until it's almost an afterthought.) But after I read the author's tips and lifestyle changes, I realized one positive side of the book's main focus on problems rather than solutions is, it allowed me to come up with some ideas of my own possible solutions based on which issues seemed most problematic to me--and which ones applied most to my life.

Also, whoever read the audio book had such a formal, actress-ey voice, it kind of got to me. Especially whenever she said "neuron" or anything you can say hyper-correctly.

But really, thumbs up

But really, those are minor complaints compared to how much I got from this book. I really can't recommend Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time enough to anyone else like me, aiming to keep low stress and happiness in a busy life.

If you read it, let me know--we can try some of the action steps together!

READ POST

11 comments

Working on "while," and reading the manual

8.12.2014

Working on "while," and reading the manual

One word I've noticed myself overusing recently is "while."

The way I use it in my head it means, "during the time that; at the same time as," but ironically, it also means "a period of time" (implying taking longer than a few seconds) and "to pass time in a leisurely manner." The way I use it is not leisurely.

I've been a multi-tasker for a real long time now, but recently I've been evaluating my impulses to do more than one thing at a time.

"While"

For example, I often come home from the gym hot, sweaty, and hungry, so I start dinner by chopping veggies and seasoning things and get a pan or two going. Then I turn the burners to Low and run upstairs for a quick shower. I was a little nervous the first time I did this (potential to burn!), but after it was uneventful and I've tried it a few more times, I've gotten more confident. (Sure, statistically it's more likely to burn, I'm sure, but I don't often have a problem burning things when I'm a few feet away, either, so... #stilllearningtocook.)

This practice (cooking dinner while showering) saves me some time, and gets me clean and eating a delicious dinner earlier than otherwise. But I think it has some negative effects, too. It's not stressful, exactly, but moving from one thing to the next back and forth does keep me on edge a little. (And after understanding the science behind eating in a calm state from husband's Mindful Eating Challenge, I'm especially aware of that feeling before eating.)

Even over the weekend (supposed to be relaxed! Weekend!), I did the ol', "I'll unload the dishwasher while my eggs cook in the frying pan," of course not paying enough attention to the eggs, resulting in overcooked eggs, which made my grumpy.

I do it before bed, too. "I'll just brush my teeth while I pick out my clothes for tomorrow." (Likely result: toothpaste down my chin, dropping folded pants on the floor.)

Instead of enjoying my space, I might be running from one thing to the next while the stove is on. (Photo by Nakalan.)

These examples of "multi-tasking" (although I've heard there's no such thing, just switching quickly back and forth between thoughts/tasks) are probably not helping me out in the long run, really. On the one hand, practical! Cook dinner while showering. On the other hand, stress-inducing! Counter-productive to good lifestyle choices like making myself delicious dinner from scratch.

But brushing my teeth while walking around my room in the half-dark? Just dumb. Texting while driving? We KNOW that one's dumb. The risk? Not worth it.

In almost all cases, my urge to multitask comes from my desire to get more done in a short amount of time. A desire for efficiency, lack of waste (of time). So if I'm skimping on the task and doing it poorly (or needing to do it again, like after burning dinner or only brushing one side of my teeth), I'm not saving any time at all. Realizing this, I thought back to one of the biggest take-aways I had from Happier at Home when I read it years ago now (follow-up to The Happiness Project, which I also really appreciated).

Read the manual

One goal in the book that really stuck with me was, "Read the manual" - take the time that you need to prepare for a task, and it will go more smoothly, be less frustrating, and probably take less time (at least in the long run, if not also in the short run). 

So, I went back to my marked-up, sticky tab-bookmarked copy of it and re-read the section. "Read the manual" in Happier at Home is one of the author's goals for the month when she focuses on Possessions and her relationship with them. The example is the household appliance that sits on the counter, unused because it's too complicated to figure out until you read the manual. I was never a manual-reader myself (with new toys, new electronics, whatever it was) but I've taken this goal to a more figurative place. From the book:

"'Read the manual' was helpful on a metaphorical level, as well, to caution me to make necessary preparations and not to expect instant mastery. Did I have the tools I needed, and did I know how to use them? Was I actually looking for the pull tab or the 'tear here' mark that would allow me to open a package easily instead of struggling needlessly? Was I giving myself time to study and learn? Too often I skimped on preparation time...'Read the manual' reminded me to take time to prepare." - Happier at Home

Yep, I totally know those feelings. When I think about it, it seems totally silly to rush through something rather than taking the steps I know I need to take.

That doesn't mean I always do it, though.

So, I'm making a goal for myself for the next while. I don't know that doing something "while" I do something else is always a bad thing, but I want to give myself a warning when I notice it cross my thoughts. I want to think through the steps that I know are required, and remind myself that if I do them, the task will be easier and more successful.

I imagine you know what I mean! I love thinking of "Read the manual" as a reminder to prepare - it might help you, too!

READ POST

9 comments

My favorite quotes and reminders: Stress and happiness for people who do too much...

3.22.2013

My favorite quotes and reminders: Stress and happiness for people who do too much...

This isn't the prettiest topic, but it's something on my mind and probably yours, too. This post has been in draft form for quite a while now but I recently checked something related off my to-do list and now feel like I have something good to share.

I've mentioned before that I was reading and really enjoying The Happiness Project. Really super fantastic book (categorized as "self-help" and "memoir," I think), and I had never read anything like it before but discovered it at the perfect time, since this year has been packed full of activities and goals and to-dos and I've been having a hard time staying calm and upbeat. (I've been trying not to use "the 's' word," but things have been a little high stress sometimes, and I'm getting tired of it! Time to relax, right? So hard for me.)

From our January weekend trip, lots of reading...

So, I really appreciated the academic and logical look the author took at examining happiness (why is it a good goal? What does it mean? Is it an end goal at all? What are the principles and foundation of attaining it?), and I love accepting and engaging with the idea that I can take control of my mood and practice happiness, the same way I approach my goals. I think it's part of the common challenges of our busy lives and having so many interests and so many options these days, it's easy to not think about what we need to live a happy life.

Anyway, I'm really excited to be reading the second by Happiness Project author Gretchen Rubin, Happier at Home, which I first thought was home decorating advice for happiness... turns out it's a second "happiness project," this time focused on home and family. More great pearls of wisdom I can't wait to put sticky flags all over. ;)

These books have also inspired me to put up visual reminders of my goals and principles, or at least of quotes that I really like and want to remember. It's been on my to-do list to make up some pretty posters that I can frame, to look at every day and enjoy. So I finally got to it. And I'm happy to share them with you!

My fave happiness quotes

This one is in both of the Happiness Project books, and I'm still chewing on it, but I like it. One of the Happiness Project goals was changing your life without changing your life, and that sounds good to me--I'm satisfied with so many things about my life, but want to capture a mood that is sometimes hard to remember. But maybe it's with me all the time, and I just need to learn to pay attention!

And here's great one from the second book, Happier at Home. I love this because I do think about possessions and physical things as being really important, and it's nice to remember that there are important reasons for that--it's not just shallow materialism, but a real connection to things I've made and arranged and curated. Obviously as a creative and artistically-minded person, this is important to me, and as a "nester" with my natural urges to create a comfortable, beautiful home, this really rings true. (But also, as she says in the book, possessions can be important for happiness for completely non-materialistic reasons if we engage with them--either by use or by response, like how you feel when you walk past a photo of family. "When I felt engaged with my possessions, I felt enlivened by them, and when I felt disengaged from them, I felt burdened." (page 28) Another underlined, starred, sticky flagged passage for me. I want to surround myself with important, beautiful things and get rid of the rest, the messy stuff I don't need or love.

Another great one about the home. Such an obvious concept, right?! But somehow we needed William Morris to say it to make it sound so universally true.

And, because I am such a huge fangirl of The Happiness Project, one of the core "splendid truths" by author Gretchen Rubin, featured in both books...

Those were the simple ones that I thought would be cute in circles. Wish I had more graphic design skillz ;) so I could come up with something besides a circle. But, hey. The colors and words and font are important, and I've got that part down.

A fave love quote

Another one to remember, not strictly part of the happiness collection... outside of the circle theme, this one I'm still working on (text, layout, photo...), but I want to find a photo I really love from one of our relaxing/romantic trips away and frame it. And add a nice quote and message reminding me to do kind, loving things every day--give proofs of love. Here's where my lack of graphic design skill gets me a little stunted. But the idea is there...

I dream of my gratitude poster!

I also still want to make myself a "gratitude poster," as I've been calling it on my to-do list. A pretty image I can frame and put somewhere I look at every day, to remind myself of all the wonderful things in my life I have to be grateful for... but that one may be a bigger project. Want it to be really pretty and really big! So I don't miss it when I walk by. I love the gratitude exercise idea, thinking of things you're grateful for every day, and think it would make me happier to see that list like a mantra.

How do you handle stress and balance your life to practice happiness?

READ POST

8 comments